Magnus Walker talks about his life journey of following his passion and going with his gut feeling which eventually led him to turning his dreams into his reality.
TEDxUCLA was organized by UCLA Extension Visual Arts
http://visual.uclaextension.edu
Random Acts of Kindness
Kindness is defined by Encarta Dictionary as the ability to behave kindly; the practice of being or the tendency to be sympathetic and compassionate; an act that shows consideration and caring.
Kindness is contagious. One simple act of kindheartedness starts with one. Just that one gesture encourages another to follow and then so on and so on. Before you know all those around you are being kind and courteous to each other. What a glorious sight to envision. And it all started with just one.
I saw firsthand the evidence of an act of kindness by a good friend who bought two round-trip, un-named, and un-dated airline tickets to India. He became friendly with the owners of the dry cleaners in his building and over time learned their son moved back to India. They hadn’t seen him in 2 years or so and didn’t have the money to make the expensive trip from New York.
Several weeks passed and a Fed-ex package arrived on their doorstep. They were overjoyed with the surprise and thoughtfulness of his gift. Even though my friend is no longer alive, his memory remains as one of the most loving and caring men I have known.
From that one tremendous act of kindness, the parents were able to rejoice with their son in India and pass along the good fortune. We all can’t afford such a luxurious gift. It can be as simple as a smile. A Swedish research study concluded that it is very difficult to frown when someone is smiling at you. With a sincere smile the brain releases dopamine the same neurotransmitter that helps alleviate depression, Parkinson’s Disease, and Attention Deficit Disorder. Thus smiling contributes to internal peace and well-being. Bringing a smile to another in return makes you smile.
For tweens, creating random acts of kindness benefits the giver by gaining friends, increasing feelings of happiness and well-being, and popularity among peers, higher academic achievement, and more positive behavior and less bullying.
After covering the Newton, Conn., tragedy NBC News’ Ann Curry tweeted, ‘commit to doing one act of kindness for every child killed?’ People responded around the country and increased Curry’s request to 26 acts of kindness for every child and adult killed at the school. People were inspired to keep a tally of generosity on Facebook and encouraged others to follow.
From children at school to adults’ personal well-being, the benefits of random acts of kindness are astounding.
• Reduce bullying by teaching children to be givers of kindness
• Increase feelings of happiness and well-being
• Improve friendships
• Gives meaning and purpose to life
• Greater connection
• It just feels good
Like a spiral affect, one small act encourages another and then another. The power of one act of kindness inspires, nurtures, gives hope, confidence, and motivates others to take a similar course of action. The idea of random of kindness is so powerful that a foundation was created and dedicated to providing resources and tools that encourage acts of kindness. Check out http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/
References
Kristin Layous, S. Katherine Nelson, Eva Oberle, Kimberly A. Schonert-Reichl, Sonja Lyubomirsky. Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being. PLoS ONE, 2012; 7 (12): e51380 DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0051380
Encouraging Words to Live By
I CHOOSE…
to live by choice not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not to be used;
to excel , not to compete.
I choose self-esteem, not pity.
I choose to listen to my inner
Voice, not to the random opinion of
others.
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Video on TED.com
How to Turn Work into Joy
This article written by Bruce Kasanoff of Now Possible, LLC. provides a good explanation how fear can prevent us from going after the life we seek. He gives clear mental and physical steps to push fear aside and let that encouraging voice come through. First is to be aware of that inner critic and then provide positive reinforcement to encourage change and small actions toward your dreams. I hope you find the article useful and informative to conquer your fears and start making those changes toward living the life you have always imagined.
We are standing on the edge of a mountain in Utah, and the slope below is frighteningly steep. Under normal conditions, it would too steep for my son and I to ski.
But the night before it snowed 22″, altering our relationship with the laws of physics. We know the powder will slow our speed, so we point straight down and push-off. It’s not scary, it’s magical… we are floating, seemingly flying down the mountain.
You can’t experience this sort of exhilaration at work, or can you?
The thing is, I still remember, long ago, when skiing scared me. I remember countless times when fear caused me to tighten up, to be over-cautious, or to hustle for the safety of the lodge. Skiing reminds me that the path to the high points in life often requires overcoming fear.
Much as I love public speaking, I still get nervous before a big speech. No, nervous isn’t the right word. Scared is. This fear is what motivates me to rewrite the speech five times, and to practice until it’s just right. And, yes, I get the same sense of exhilaration during a speech as when floating down a mountain.
The secret to finding this sort of joy is to create goals so bold they scare you. It’s to dream so big that at first you dare not share your dreams with others, for fear of embarrassing yourself. “You want to be the CEO?” your friend might question, “You’re only three weeks into being a product manager.”
But as you pursue your dreams, and face down your fears, something magical happens. Your dreams start to become realistic. You can say them out loud, and others don’t laugh.
As you develop the habit of dreaming big and chipping away at fear, you expand what’s possible in your life. You start to understand the difference between impossible and difficult.
When I stand on a mountain at 10,000 feet, my brain often sends me two messages. The first is: stop, it’s too steep! The second is: nonsense, you can ski this safely. The first message never completely goes away, I just move it to the back of my mind.
This is what we have to do to turn work into joy… at the right times, we have to stand on a mountain so high it scares us, and then we have to move fear out-of-the-way.
If you’re bored by work, or frustrated in your career, perhaps you need to take on a bigger mountain. Often times, boredom is your brain screaming an important message: you are capable of greater things, aim higher.
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Bruce Kasanoff is the founder of the personal branding agency, Now Possible. He is the co-author of Smart Customers, Stupid Companies, with co-author Michael Hinshaw.
Love, Jealousy, Rejection and Control
Love is an expression of our emotions, feelings and affection toward someone. When it comes to a spouse, love can bring to life our full potential and creativity. When love proceeds with abuse, it can be debilitating and demeaning. Love is a choice followed by action. Our personal values, beliefs and actions determine what is real love versus fantasy and abusive “love.”
Love is not ownership. Humans are not pieces of property, objects, nor possessions. When mates consider lovers “theirs”, it leads to abusive, imprisoning and damaging behavior.
In moderation, jealousy can be healthy. Suspicion can signal we feel threatened. Feelings can be useful to alert us that we need to investigate and evaluate the particular situation at greater length. Healthy love involves asking questions and honestly sharing concerns and fears with our loved one.
Jealousy becomes destructive when assumptions overrun any reality or truths. Envy overrun goals of connection and real intimacy. Jealousy usually comes from hurt, neglect, or sense of abandonment. When we react to those feelings with jealousy and don’t address core issues, pain continues to spiral downward.
Further investigation into understanding our jealousy may reveal personal insecurity, unworthiness, fears, unhappiness, and false beliefs projected on our partner. The solution begins when we become aware of our reactions and instead response mindfully. Confront jealousy by labeling and noticing feelings and thoughts and then nurture those feelings of hurt with self-care and finding the facts.
First gain personal power and gain control of your emotions by acknowledging them. Refrain from reactive, abusive behavior.
Second, shift the focus and examine other perspectives. As we look at the situation from the other person’s point of view, we give ourselves time to access the condition from several outlooks.
Next identify core beliefs that are creating the reaction and determine any truths and falsehoods. Remember insecurity and low self-esteem can create false images.
Call a friend, talk to a therapist, or contact a neutral, unbiased person to aid in awareness and broaden perspectives. Communication with uninvolved friends, family, or professional can help us validate reality, confront inadequacies and develop control. Finally, we can consciously choose the most logical approach for the most effective and kind response.
If it comes to fail, our jealousy is warranted, and we feel rejected, it hurts. Rejection stings and it burns a lot. However, it is no excuse to cause harm or react with vengeful words. It is an opportune time to practice self-love and nurture. Most times rejection is not personal even though it may feel that way.
When we are enmeshed rejection feels like abandonment, primarily when we abandon our truth and feelings. When we deny our thoughts and feelings, we usually then say hurtful things. We may blame our partner and portray the image that their decisions control us. However, we are responsible for our actions, our feelings, and our choices. Sometimes it is difficult to bear personal responsibility but turmoil only succeeds. Many people falsely assume that “she makes me happy” or that he “needs” her to be happy. Enmeshment presents this falsehood and limitless boundaries.
Our most intimate relationships often, trigger childhood memories of abandonment, hurt, or abuse. Enmeshment and no individuation position our lover on a pedestal to control how we feel about ourselves.
It takes time to build self-esteem, self-love, and acceptance to be entirely independent. We no longer need someone else to show us our value and worth. We know that we matter and treat ourselves respectfully and create healthy boundaries and tolerances of weakness and strengths. We mature into an independent, loving, kind and accepting adult. We can regulate our emotions by reaching out to a friend and taking care of ourselves with kindness.
Jealousy can be useful and with awareness we can use this natural feeling to our advantage by practicing self-care, reaching out, and exploring alternatives. We can choose to be happy independently regardless of how someone else behaves. Don’t let jealousy enter unhealthy false beliefs, and controlling behaviors enacted through fears and hurts.
If we feel jealousy or rejected, it is a good time to reflect upon ourselves, analyze and access the events. Evaluate from different perspectives, outlooks and points of view. It can be painful emotionally but also a time for growth and maturity.
We all make choices for many reasons. They may be due to a means of survival; to learn, to grow, to experiment. Whatever the reason, it is not a time to judge or demean.
We all make mistakes, and different choices than what we think are best, regardless it is not a time to judge. Our best solution is to look within and control the one thing we can; ourselves. We are all independent. Our happiness and emotions are independent of anyone else. We choose how we respond and not react. Choose with awareness and calmness. Remember, no one makes us do anything. Accept responsibility for our actions, emotions and behavior. There are always consequences when emotions such as jealousy, anger, and envy act outward or inward negatively. Focus on the positive and have the courage to ask for help when feelings reach adverse outcomes with drugs, alcohol, overeating, workaholism, gambling, and abusive relationships.
Focus on the Good and Wash Badness Away
Instead of focusing on the bad in the world and everything that is going wrong, focus on the good. The more we focus on the good, the more good will manifest and overcome the bad; creating more goodness, decency, kindness, honesty, integrity and righteousness. With the power of a global community centering attention and energy only on goodness, bad will disappear. We no longer have time for the bad and wrong!
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