How To Overcome Fear

Posted on by helpingsoul

We all have worries and fears. They can easily disempower us and keep us stuck. I’ve seen it in myself and with others.  Falling into the trap of worry and fear doesn’t have to be the default.

Here is an example of how I worked through some of the fears with, Susan, a pseudo name of a person who came to me to free blocks that were preventing her success.

Susan began the session sharing worries, doubts, and uncertainties in her business model.  She even discounted her abilities. She said, “I am excited about my vision.  I know it’s a good business model.  I just have such a long way to go before it will come to fruition. It’s so overwhelming and keeps me stuck. How can I keep sane and make it to the finish line?”

I empathically replied, “One small step at a time. Look at what you have already accomplished. You have written the blueprint and have an outline to follow. Most people don’t even have the courage to take the time to think of a concept out of their normal routine job, let alone write the procedures. Give yourself credit and recognition of how far you’ve come.”

“True, true. But it still feels so overwhelming,” Susan responded.

It is overwhelming when you think of the overarching picture. It’s easy to think of where we want to be and not acknowledge how far we’ve come. Self-criticism and judgment is NOT helping the matter now.

Stay in the Present Moment

The present is all you know and can control. Acknowledge the past accomplishments, give praise where praise is deserved and then ask yourself, what can be done now?

Thinking into the future, brings worry. The future can feel like light years away. Forward thinking is daunting and overwhelming. It does nothing but stop you in your tracks. And that certainly isn’t moving forward at all.

Learn from the Past

You can reflect on the past, think about other goals you’ve tried and didn’t succeed. There might be some belief you’ve developed that’s keeping you stuck. Could it be something from my childhood? Was there a time in your past where you worked hard and circumstances unexpectedly took them away?

Susan began a story about a time when she was thirteen. “I was so excited for the upcoming dance recital scheduled for the end of the season. I had prepared for months going to dance class religiously. I consistently did my chores, saved my weekly allowance and bought my uniform. I hung it proudly in my closet anticipating the big day. And then bam, it was taken away. I got into trouble hanging around the wrong crowd and my punishment was I could not go to the dance recital. It tore me apart.”

Susan, that must have been so disappointing to work so hard, to feel so proud, and then have it shattered. I can imagine that hurt and disappointment and betrayal can feel like it may at any moment come back. But what is different now versus being that thirteen-year-old little girl?

Susan thought for a moment, “I am an adult and nothing is going to be taken away because I have no one to answer to but myself. I am the only one stopping me now. “

Yes! As a little girl you have no control over how your parents respond, but you are not living under their roof anymore. You are not dependent upon them for your survival. You are taking care of yourself now. You have worked hard, are able to pay your mortgage, buy your own food, and live comfortably with friends and others that support you. Many changes have taken place.

Susan was able to shed some light on her beliefs and move to a new perspective in a loving manner and as a grown, mature woman.

Worry and anxiety comes from a place focusing on the past or the future. The solution is the present. Concentrating on the past hinders what can be done in the present. To get unstuck it is important to focus on the present. What can be done now?

Unfold the Full Truth

Acknowledge what is going on right now. Name the fears and then assess each one. The truth of the matter is that you are fearful of possibilities of the future. Perhaps failure, even success, looking like a fool, or that no one desires what you have to offer.

Those are all possibilities. But what other possibilities exist? You can handle any disappointments and learn from them. Obstacles are pieces of information on how to improve.

Success can be controlled. If you are so successful, you can back off and regulate what makes you feel comfortable.

You may look like a fool to yourself, but I bet some people find your vulnerability courageous. It takes great bravery to expose your endeavor.  You have worked on your project for a long and hard time.

Lastly, if you desire what you have to offer, what makes you think you are the only one? You made a big leap and gathered some friends who were willing to do a practice run. You received invaluable feedback.  Acknowledge the courage it has taken to achieve the progress you have made.

Worry, fear, and despair will never disappear but it is those that learn to acknowledge the fear and move into it that succeed. You can’t thrive unless you try. Reflect upon your past, learn from it, and then use positive self talk to encourage your progress.

When worry and fear overwhelms, stay present and unfold the whole picture.  Anxiety may seem to cloud other emotions but next to anxiety is excitement. Find the excitement within your stress and you can then move forward. Anxiety likes negativity. The overall picture is never one-sided. Find the positive to counter the negative.

The Art of the Narrative: How to Journal for Personal Growth

Posted on by helpingsoul
Is your journal a place of growth or a loop of stress? Discover the creative science of "narrative construction" and learn how to write your way to a clearer perspective

Is your journal a place of growth or a loop of stress? Discover the creative science of “narrative construction” and learn how to write your way to a clearer perspective

Journaling: The Art of Rewriting Your Story

Journaling is journaling, right? Actually, come to find out, the way you use your pen can either bring relief or keep you stuck in a loop of distress. It all depends on your focus.

The “Healthy” Narrative When you write about a particular event, focusing on cognitive processing helps you resolve the experience and find positive outcomes. Research on bereavement (Purcell, 2006) shows that people who externalize their thoughts and engage in “deliberate, effortful thinking” are more likely to find greater meaning in their relationships and values.

Modern research (Tartakovsky, 2022) calls this “cognitive defusion”—the ability to look at your thoughts rather than being in them. This creative distance allows you to:

  • Clarify what makes you happy.

  • Solve problems more effectively.

  • Increase your awareness of your deepest wants and desires.

Avoiding the Rumination Trap An ineffective way to journal is to focus only on the “raw” emotion. While “venting” feels good in the moment, centering solely on the emotional trauma without searching for a lesson or a new perspective can actually hinder your well-being (Nauert, 2012). We naturally tend to focus on the negative; without a structured representation of the event, we can’t find the “gain” in the pain.

The Creative Advantage Writing helps organize the “mental clutter.” By turning stressful images into a simplified, linguistic form, you restore your sense of mastery over your own life story.

Journaling is journaling, right? Well come to find out, it can either bring relief or intensify misery. It all depends on the focus of writing.

What is the best way to journal?

When writing about a particular event, focusing on cognitive processing (making sense of a stressful event) and emotional expression helps to resolve the experience and find positive outcomes. Research shows writing about a stressful incident with emphasis on thoughts and feelings increases positive growth. It directly affects beliefs about the self, the world, and the future (Ullrich & Lutgendorf, 2002).

A study regarding bereavement supports that persons who engaged in deliberate, effortful thinking about the death and externalized their thoughts on paper were more likely to find greater meaning in their relationship with their lost loved one.  They came attuned to more values, priorities, and perspectives in response to the death (Purcell 2006).

Writing not only has mental improvements but also physical.  Here is a list of just some of the positives of journaling:

  •   Strengthens immune system
  •   Increases white blood cells
  •   Decreases symptoms of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis
  •   Reduces stress
  •   Effectively solve problems
  •   Resolve Conflict
  •   Clarify what makes you happy
  •   Helps to resolve stressful experiences and find positive outcomes
  •   Increases positive growth
  •   Increases ability to find multiple solutions to a single problem
  •   Helps broaden perspective and enables resolution to disagreement
  •   Provides clarity about situations and people
  •   Increases awareness and organization of wants and desires

What is an ineffective way to journal?

The negative consequences to writing persist when focusing solely on emotional expression. Centering on emotional aspects of traumas or stressful situations may not produce greater understanding. One study explains that expressive writing can actually hinder emotional well-being without any relief from distress. We naturally tend to focus on negative emotions and in doing so further deepen despair about the event without concluding anything positive from the experience.  As daunting as some experiences are, there is usually something that can be learned or gained.  It may be hard to find and may not reveal itself immediately but over time may turn into the best thing.  Change usually doesn’t happen until the pain persists and becomes unbearable ( Nauert 2012).

When expressing just your emotions on paper, the negative consequences can effect your physical and mental health.   The following list describes just a few negative costs:

  •   Increases physical illness
  •   No relief from distress
  •   Lowers immune system
  •   Decreases emotional well-being

Thus when writing about a stressful experience hone in on your emotional outlook and cognitive reasoning. Writing about events and reactions to the situation can help to restore self-efficacy, mastery, and add meaning to the incident. Eventually traumatic or stressful images and emotions are translated into organized, coherent, and simplified linguistic forms. Structured representation of the occurrence can be assimilated with other schemas and subsequently can reduce suffering related to the event.

Your life is a story—are you the narrator or just a character? Explore more tools for creative living and self-expression at courageous-arts.com. If you’re looking for deeper support to navigate life’s transitions, visit thecourageouself.com to explore my psychotherapy services.

References

Nauert PhD, R. (2012). Journaling May Worsen Pain of Failed Relationship. Psych Central. http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/11/30/journaling-may-worsen-pain-of-failed-relationship/48379.html

Purcell, M. (2006). The Health Benefits of Journaling. Psych Central. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/

Ullrich, P. & Lutgendorf, S. (2002).  Journaling About Stressful Events:  Effects of Cognitive Processing and Emotional Expression.  Annals of Behavioral Medicine.  Volume 24, Number 3. University of Iowa.

Meditation

Posted on by helpingsoul

what-is-meditationMeditation is concentration of the mind on one or more things, in order to aid mental or spiritual development, contemplation, or relaxation (Encarta Dictionary: English (North America, 2012).

The benefit of meditation is profound. Meditation can significantly decrease blood pressure and muscle tension (Amen, D. 1998). It can increase flexibility, creativity, focus, and attention span (Colzato, L. S., Ozturk, A. & Hommel, B., 2012).

There are several types of meditation with each providing different benefits. The first is Focused Attention (FA) meditation. It is thought regulation, monitoring, and focus of attention on a chosen object. An example of FA mediation is the sensation of one’s own breathing, at the expense of all other internal and external sensations. This type of mediation helps improve the ability to focus and retain concentration.

The steps to FA are focus, breathe, relax, and count.

1. Focus on one spot, object, or sensation.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply.
3. Relax and progressively release muscle tension.
4. Count from 1 to 10 and then 10 to 1 as you continue your attention on your breathe, good thoughts coming in, bad thoughts exiting out, and relaxing your muscles.

For a detailed example of FA mediation exercise read, “Self-Soothing, A Technique for Coping During Times of Stress and Anxiety.” It takes less than ten minutes to complete.

Open Monitoring (OM) meditation is mind-wandering. It is opening your mind to all emerging thoughts, feelings, and sensations. This type of meditation allows for all internal and external sensations to be experienced with the same openness, without focusing on specific objects or sensations. After practicing OM mediation the mind is more free and flexible to access new ideas. Recent studies show that it can actually benefit your thinking and creativity. You can make better plans for yourself and solve problems with increased diversity and creativity. So letting your mind drift far and wide isn’t bad for our daily performance, in fact it can actually enhance our lives (Mooneyham, B. W., & Schooler, J. W., 2013).

Visual Imagery is creating a relaxing experience during a stressful event or visualizing details of successfully maneuvering through a race or athletic event, or imagining presenting confidently in front of a large audience. For example, if you have a fear of riding in an elevator. You can free yourself of the anxiety by exposing yourself slowly and using your imagination to experience a calming and relaxing place. It can be the beach, the mountains, or any haven that brings you a sense of serenity. When creating your safe haven, imagine it with all your senses. For instance, create an imagery and sensation of the sand between your bare toes, the smell of the salty, warm air, taste the salt on your tongue, hear the children play, watch the waves crash along the shore, and sand castles playfully being built.

Visualization is helpful for competitive athletes, creating, clear career goals, or resolving stressful situations. Set your goal, create a clear idea or image, focus on the event daily, and affirm it with positive thoughts.

Using all three types of meditation can be extremely useful in many aspects of your life. I would love to hear how you use mediation in your life.

Sources

Amen, Daniel, M.D. (1998). Change Your Brain Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness. Three Rivers Press. New York, New York.

Colzato, L. S., Ozturk, A. and Hommel, B. (2012). Meditate to create: the impact of focused-attention and open-monitoring training on convergent and divergent thinking. Frontiers in Psychology 3:116. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2012.00116

Gawain, Shakti (2002). Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life. Nataraj Publishing. Novato, California.

Mooneyham, B. W., & Schooler, J. W. (2013). The costs and benefits of mind-wandering: A review. Canadian Journal Of Experimental Psychology/Revue Canadienne De Psychologie Expérimentale, 67(1), 11-18. doi:10.1037/a0031569