How To Overcome Fear

Posted on by helpingsoul

We all have worries and fears. They can easily disempower us and keep us stuck. I’ve seen it in myself and with others.  Falling into the trap of worry and fear doesn’t have to be the default.

Here is an example of how I worked through some of the fears with, Susan, a pseudo name of a person who came to me to free blocks that were preventing her success.

Susan began the session sharing worries, doubts, and uncertainties in her business model.  She even discounted her abilities. She said, “I am excited about my vision.  I know it’s a good business model.  I just have such a long way to go before it will come to fruition. It’s so overwhelming and keeps me stuck. How can I keep sane and make it to the finish line?”

I empathically replied, “One small step at a time. Look at what you have already accomplished. You have written the blueprint and have an outline to follow. Most people don’t even have the courage to take the time to think of a concept out of their normal routine job, let alone write the procedures. Give yourself credit and recognition of how far you’ve come.”

“True, true. But it still feels so overwhelming,” Susan responded.

It is overwhelming when you think of the overarching picture. It’s easy to think of where we want to be and not acknowledge how far we’ve come. Self-criticism and judgment is NOT helping the matter now.

Stay in the Present Moment

The present is all you know and can control. Acknowledge the past accomplishments, give praise where praise is deserved and then ask yourself, what can be done now?

Thinking into the future, brings worry. The future can feel like light years away. Forward thinking is daunting and overwhelming. It does nothing but stop you in your tracks. And that certainly isn’t moving forward at all.

Learn from the Past

You can reflect on the past, think about other goals you’ve tried and didn’t succeed. There might be some belief you’ve developed that’s keeping you stuck. Could it be something from my childhood? Was there a time in your past where you worked hard and circumstances unexpectedly took them away?

Susan began a story about a time when she was thirteen. “I was so excited for the upcoming dance recital scheduled for the end of the season. I had prepared for months going to dance class religiously. I consistently did my chores, saved my weekly allowance and bought my uniform. I hung it proudly in my closet anticipating the big day. And then bam, it was taken away. I got into trouble hanging around the wrong crowd and my punishment was I could not go to the dance recital. It tore me apart.”

Susan, that must have been so disappointing to work so hard, to feel so proud, and then have it shattered. I can imagine that hurt and disappointment and betrayal can feel like it may at any moment come back. But what is different now versus being that thirteen-year-old little girl?

Susan thought for a moment, “I am an adult and nothing is going to be taken away because I have no one to answer to but myself. I am the only one stopping me now. “

Yes! As a little girl you have no control over how your parents respond, but you are not living under their roof anymore. You are not dependent upon them for your survival. You are taking care of yourself now. You have worked hard, are able to pay your mortgage, buy your own food, and live comfortably with friends and others that support you. Many changes have taken place.

Susan was able to shed some light on her beliefs and move to a new perspective in a loving manner and as a grown, mature woman.

Worry and anxiety comes from a place focusing on the past or the future. The solution is the present. Concentrating on the past hinders what can be done in the present. To get unstuck it is important to focus on the present. What can be done now?

Unfold the Full Truth

Acknowledge what is going on right now. Name the fears and then assess each one. The truth of the matter is that you are fearful of possibilities of the future. Perhaps failure, even success, looking like a fool, or that no one desires what you have to offer.

Those are all possibilities. But what other possibilities exist? You can handle any disappointments and learn from them. Obstacles are pieces of information on how to improve.

Success can be controlled. If you are so successful, you can back off and regulate what makes you feel comfortable.

You may look like a fool to yourself, but I bet some people find your vulnerability courageous. It takes great bravery to expose your endeavor.  You have worked on your project for a long and hard time.

Lastly, if you desire what you have to offer, what makes you think you are the only one? You made a big leap and gathered some friends who were willing to do a practice run. You received invaluable feedback.  Acknowledge the courage it has taken to achieve the progress you have made.

Worry, fear, and despair will never disappear but it is those that learn to acknowledge the fear and move into it that succeed. You can’t thrive unless you try. Reflect upon your past, learn from it, and then use positive self talk to encourage your progress.

When worry and fear overwhelms, stay present and unfold the whole picture.  Anxiety may seem to cloud other emotions but next to anxiety is excitement. Find the excitement within your stress and you can then move forward. Anxiety likes negativity. The overall picture is never one-sided. Find the positive to counter the negative.

The Four Agreements

Posted on by helpingsoul

spiritual guidance for daily living1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

a. Speak with integrity
b. Say only what you mean.
c. Avoid using the Word to speak against   yourself or to gossip about others.
d. Use the power of your Word in the direction of    truth and love.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

a. Nothing others do is because of you.
b. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
c. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim  of needless suffering.

3. DONT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

a. Find the courage to ask questions ad to express what you really want.
b.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
c.  With jus this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

a. Your best is going to change from moment to moment.
b. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-indulgent, self-abuse, and regret.

Exercise Is Not Just For The Body Anymore

Posted on by helpingsoul

boost brain function with exerciseThe benefits of exercise are mind-blowing.  They can range from increasing memory not only for your muscles but also for your brain and all in between.  Get inspired to start moving by reading the many ways working out can improve mental well-being, relationships, and an overall happier and healthier life.

1.  Adapt easier to change

Once you begin a routine of exercise the benefits are reaped even after a break.  Thirty minutes of endurance or strength training 3 times a week affects muscles on the cellular level first before any physiological results are seen.  Thus after exercise is stopped and muscles begin to atrophy, the cellular level memory remains intact and can remember previous learned motor sensory to achieve faster results upon onset of exercise again.

2.  Reduce stress

A brisk walk or weight lifting stimulates the central nervous system and increases the neurotransmitters including dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and acetylcholine which our body releases to adapt more efficiently to stress.  The intense concentration for coordinated exercise such as dance, tennis or rowing precipitates a type of distraction that may reduce anxiety even further.

3.  Relieve depression

Exercise is like taking a happy pill.  It’s a form of mediation which facilitates an altered state of consciousness.  Playing tag can reignite that inner child and boost mood.  Press that fun button and get that body moving again.

4.  Increase self-confidence and body image

Physical activity gives a sense of mastery and control.   Seeing results of your hard work gives a sense of gratification.  Not only are the improvements seen in your body but also running that mile faster or lifting more weight than before.

5.  Inspire others

Exercising with a buddy is an instant motivator.  You are more apt to exercise because your partner is there waiting.  They hold you accountable for your actions and vice versa.  Not only are you encouraged to show up but when you are running side by side, you are more apt to push just a little harder.  There’s nothing wrong with a little friendly competition.

6.  Make new friends

There’s no better way to make new friends than at a pick-up game of soccer, a group class at the gym, or joining a running club.  Exercise is just more fun with someone else.

7.  Anti-aging

Working out can help prevent telomeres from shortening. Telomeres are like the plastic protector at the end of your shoe laces but for your chromosomes.  Telomeres protect genetic data and determine how we age and get cancer.  When we age, cells divide and telomeres shorten.  Overtime, telomeres reach a point where they can no longer divide and become inactive.  This process is associated with aging, cancer, and a shortened lifespan.    Research shows that aerobic exercise can help delay shortening of telomeres and add years to your life.  So go ahead and take those stairs instead of the elevator knowing you are doing your body and cells good.

8.  Decrease onset of Alzheimer’s

Staying physically active maintains good blood flow to the brain and supports new brain cells.  Research shows regular exercise such as tai chi, yoga, even gardening can increase blood flow to the brain which reduces brain cell loss.  Exercise also stimulates mental activity especially when done with a partner.  The social interaction and decision-making process of planning your route or coordination of a good game of softball provide added brain benefits.

9.  Improve learning

Researchers who published a study in the 2011 Archives of Internal Medicine determined that even mild exercise improves cognitive functioning compared to folks who did not exercise.  Learning a new sport or activity like ballroom dancing can increase the amount of gray matter in your occipital lobe, the area of the brain associated with visual memory.  A 2004 Nature article stated that those who learned how to juggle increased the amount of gray matter but when they stopped the new gray matter vanished.  So learn a new move, improve your learning and memory and keep practicing!

The positive effects of physical activity out way any negative, self-sabotaging excuses.  Exercise doesn’t have to be at the gym to be beneficial.   All you have to do is access that inner child and get that body moving again.  You might just lose a few pounds and gain improved relationships, memory, and confidence.