Life

Positive Truths vs. Positive Affirmations: How to Change Your Beliefs Authentically

Posted on by helpingsoul

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” – Thomas Jefferson
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” – Buddha

There’s a moment that often happens in life: you do everything within your control, you prepare, you strive, you visualize — and then you let go.

And strangely, that’s when something shifts.

When you loosen your tight grip on how things must unfold, space opens. Whether you call it surrender, faith, alignment, or psychological flexibility, something larger than control begins to move.

I believe there are no accidents. But I also believe our beliefs shape what we are capable of receiving.

The “Six Trees” Story and the Power of Belief

Years ago, while living in Baltimore, Oprah attended a party at her boss’s home — one of the wealthiest women she had known at the time. The house was large, but what stood out most were six large trees in the backyard. Oprah remembers thinking, “Rich people have trees. If I ever have money, I want six trees in my yard.”

Years later, standing in her own kitchen, she looked out the window while making coffee and saw six trees. She stepped outside to count them — and realized beyond those six were thousands more on her property.

She could imagine six trees. Life imagined far more.

Psychologically, this illustrates something powerful: we often limit our vision to what we believe is possible. Our nervous system, our conditioning, and our past experiences quietly define the boundaries of our imagination.

The work is not just to dream — but to expand what we believe we are worthy of.

You Don’t Get What You Wish For. You Get What You Believe.

Many people spend their lives hoping and wishing. But in therapy, we see this truth repeatedly:

You don’t get what you hope for.
You get what you deeply believe you deserve and can handle.

Beliefs shape behavior. Behavior shapes outcomes. Outcomes reinforce beliefs.

If you believe:

  • “I’m not good with money,” you avoid financial risk.

  • “Relationships never work for me,” you unconsciously withdraw.

  • “Success isn’t for people like me,” you self-sabotage opportunity.

Changing your life requires changing your beliefs — but not through denial.

Why Positive Affirmations Often Don’t Work

You’ve probably heard affirmations like:

  • “I can achieve anything.”

  • “I am wealthy.”

  • “I am confident.”

  • “I have abundance.”

They can temporarily boost mood. But if your internal experience contradicts the statement, your brain resists it.

If you have $300 in your bank account and repeat, “I have unlimited abundance,” your nervous system knows that isn’t true. The brain craves congruence. When affirmations feel false, they can actually increase anxiety and shame.

This is where positive truths come in.

What Are Positive Truths?

Positive truths are grounded, emotionally honest statements that acknowledge your current reality and your forward movement.

They integrate cognitive restructuring with self-compassion.

Instead of denying your struggle, you honor it — and pair it with agency.

Examples of Positive Truths

  • “I am frustrated with my income right now, and I am networking weekly and exploring new revenue streams.”

  • “I feel scared about launching my business, and I am building confidence by taking one consistent step at a time.”

  • “I feel lonely at times, and I am showing up, meeting new people, and learning to trust myself more.”

Notice the difference.

There is no pretending.
There is no bypassing.
There is honesty — and momentum.

From a psychological perspective, this works because:

  • It regulates the nervous system.

  • It reduces cognitive dissonance.

  • It builds self-trust.

  • It reinforces adaptive behavior.

Why Honesty Creates Real Transformation

Personal transformation requires:

  • Self-awareness

  • Emotional honesty

  • Respect for your current reality

  • Loving accountability

When you say something that is true, your body relaxes. There is alignment between your thoughts and your lived experience.

Positive truths are not about toxic positivity.
They are about grounded optimism.

They say:
“I see where I am. I respect it. And I am actively participating in change.”

That builds confidence far more than fantasy ever could.

A Practical Exercise: Creating Your Own Positive Truths

  1. Identify one area of stress (money, relationships, career, confidence).

  2. Write the honest emotional truth.

  3. Add one concrete action you are taking.

  4. Repeat the statement daily for two minutes, three times per day.

  5. Pair it with visualization — not of fantasy — but of the feeling you are cultivating.

You can also create a visual symbol — a collage, a painting, a written statement — that represents your vision.  The Expressive Arts is a wonderful technique to externalize your desires and create a visual reminder of what you are working towards each day.

When you see it, pause. Breathe. Repeat your truth.

Consistency rewires belief.

Surrender and Psychological Flexibility

Here’s the deeper paradox:

You do the work.
You tell the truth.
You take aligned action.

And then — you let go.

In therapy, we call this psychological flexibility: the ability to commit to values-based action while releasing attachment to rigid outcomes.

You are not passive.
You are participating fully.

And then you allow life to meet you.

Final Thought

You are capable of making your dreams real — not through denial, but through honesty.

Honor yourself with truth.
Respect your current reality.
Take loving action.
Then release what you cannot control.

Growth happens in that space

About

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #96155) providing online therapy in California and Florida. I work with individuals and couples navigating anxiety, depression, grief and loss, trauma, and life transitions. My goal is to offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore destructive beliefs, heal childhood wounds, and build a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

My integrative approach blends mindfulness, trauma-informed care, and compassionate insight to support meaningful and lasting change.

If you feel ready to begin, you’re welcome to contact me in the comments section. I respond within 48 hours.

7 Festivals Around the World that Celebrate the Dead

Posted on by helpingsoul

Halloween lies on the last day of October in the United States where candy, costumes and haunted houses come to life. Modern Halloween is more about fearing spirits and dressing-up as a character for the day.

Many other cultures instead of fearing spirits honor the dead and commensurate their spirits.

Today is not only a new moon; it is the day of the dead. I thought a fresh look at festivals around the globe that celebrate the deceased would be eye opening.

  1. DÍA DE LOS MUERTOS, MEXICO

Possibly the most famous celebration of the deceased, Mexico’s Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead festival, traces to the pre-Columbian era and spans from October 28 until November 2. The Day of the Dead is about remembering loved ones and honoring family members who have passed away.

The country’s most vibrant celebrations take place in Mexico City and Oaxaca, where cemeteries and homes display altars adorned with yellow marigold and red terciopelo flowers, intricate sugar skulls, and papel picado, a colorful perforated paper engraved with skeleton designs.

  1. FIESTA DE LAS ÑATITAS, BOLIVIA

 Bolivia’s Fiesta de las Ñatitas (Festival of the Skulls) is an ancient ritual among the indigenous Aymara people, honoring the special bond between the living and the deceased.

Ñatitas are exhumed human skulls that some Bolivians believe protect them from evil, help them achieve goals, and even work miracles. The skulls spend most of their time indoors, but are paraded in La Paz’s main public cemetery every year in early November, where they are decorated with flowers and pampered with cigarettes, coca leaves, and other treats.

  1. HUNGRY GHOST FESTIVAL, CHINA

The Ghost Festival, also known as the Hungry Ghost Festival, is a traditional Buddhist and Taoist commemoration, celebrated in China on the seventh month in the Chinese calendar. It is believed that spirits are able to roam the Earth throughout this month, and on the 15th night specifically, these spirits have the chance to visit their living descendants.

Throughout “Ghost Month,” gifts are made to the deceased, traditional theater is performed, and people set places at tables for dead members of their family. After the festival, people light lanterns and float them in bodies of water to help lead spirits back to the underworld.

  1. FÊTE GEDE, HAITI

This annual voodoo festival in Haiti takes place throughout November, but the majority of celebrations occur during the beginning of the month. Voodoo believers converge on Port-au-Prince’s main cemetery to honor the Gede (a family of spirits with the powers of death and fertility), laying out gifts such as homemade beeswax candles, flowers and—to warm the Gede’s bones—bottles of rum stuffed with chile peppers.

Dances, rituals, and costumes play a large part in this unique festival celebrating the dead.

  1. OBON FESTIVAL, JAPAN

The Obon festival is a Japanese Buddhist holiday celebrated July 13-15 or August 13-15 (depending on the region in Japan), honoring the return of the spirits of deceased ancestors. People revisit their hometowns to tend their relatives’ graves, which are cleaned and decorated with flowers.

There are Obon festivals all over Japan that combine traditional dances and celebrations. On the last night of Obon, people light candles and have bonfires to mark the departure of the ancestral spirits.

  1. CHUSEOK, SOUTH KOREA

Chuseok is one of the largest and most widely celebrated holidays in South Korea. The primary reason for Chuseok, held on the fall equinox, is to honor ancestors and deceased relatives. However, the holiday is considered a general time for families to congregate, reconnect, and enjoy fantastic feasts. Traditionally, Chuseok has also allowed South Koreans to celebrate the autumn harvest after a season of hard work.

Chuseok is largely centered on the culture and history of South Korea. To honor the traditions that connect them to their roots, many families will visit their ancestors’ villages, perform rituals and ceremonies, and visit graves while wearing traditional garb.

  1. GAI JATRA, NEPAL

Gai Jatra, also called the Festival of the Cows, is celebrated in August and September in Nepal. During the celebration, a procession of cows is marched through the streets of Kathmandu, led by family members who have lost a loved one within the last year. Cows, which are considered holy in Hinduism, are thought to be able to guide the recently deceased to the afterlife. Following the cow procession, participants dress in costume and dance in the city center.

Gai Jatra is regarded as a celebration, meant to help people accept death as a reality of life and to help ease the passing of those who have died.

Do you have a ritual or particular way to help ease loved ones who have passed? I’d love to hear how you have dealt with death in your life. If you need help with the grieving process or want to explore your spiritual growth, please feel free to contact me at april@thecourageousself.com

Take a Walk Through a Castle To Learn More About Yourself

Posted on by helpingsoul

Have you ever wondered…

How easily do you take risks?
What do you think will happen in the future?
What images do you believe others have of you?

Use your imagination to take an imaginary walk in a castle to discover more about your character.

As you go through the exercise, the symbols provide perceptions of your overall view of life, your attitude toward new experiences, the image you have of your life, and how you imagine your future. Take into account that culture influences and signifies your personal context on how certain metaphors, images, and symbols suggest various uses and understanding of your life.

It is up to you to decide for your self how the symbols function in your life. This exercise is offered as an aid to enrich the activity and perspectives of your life.

You will need a sheet of paper and a pen or pencil to note your responses.

Begin by taking a few long deep breaths to relax your mind and to settle into your seat. Now imagine you are in front of a castle. Continue to read and answer the following questions to unfold your personal storyline.

  1. You are in front of the door of the castle. How exactly do you imagine it?
a. It is a simple door
b. It is covered by plants and is somewhat hard to find
c. It is a huge wooden door with metal details and it looks a little frightening

2. You pass the door of the castle and realize that there is no soul. It is desert. What is the first thing you see?

a. A huge library, wall to wall full of books
b. A huge fireplace and a hot fire burning
c. A large banquet hall with huge chandeliers and red carpets
d. A long corridor with many closed doors
  1. You look around and find a staircase. You decide to climb the stairs. What does the staircase look like?
a. It looks sharp and massive, leading nowhere
b. It is an impressive spiral, grand staircase
  1. After you climb the stairs, you reach a small room in which there is only one window. How big is the window?
a. It appears normal
b. It’s small, like a porthole
c. It’s massive and take up most of the surface of the wall
  1. You look out the window. What do you see?
a. Large waves crashing furiously on rock
b. A snowy forest
c. A green valley
d. A small, vibrant city
  1. You go down the stairs and you’re back in the area where you were when you first entered the castle. You go ahead and find a door at the rear of the building. You open it and go out in a yard. What exactly does it look like?
a. It is full of hypertrophic plants, grasses, broken wood and fallen barbed wire
b. It is impeccably maintained with countless colorful flowers
c. It’s a jungle, but you can imagine how beautiful it would be if someone cleaned and put it in order

RESULTS

QUESTION 1 – The Door

Your Attitude to New Experiences

The door represents your attitude to new experiences.

a. The Simple Door

If you imagined a simple, everyday door, you probably are not afraid of any new challenge and will test your luck in new things and situations without a second thought.

b. The Hidden Door

If you have chosen the hidden door, you probably do not know what you need to do in the future and your life in it, and it looks blurry and undefined.

c. Big, Scary Door

Of course, if you have chosen a big, scary door, then you probably are afraid of the unknown and find it difficult to get out of your comfort zone and try new experiences.

QUESTION 2– Inside the Castle

Idea You Believe Others Have of You

The space inside the castle is what you believe others perceive of you. For example, if you saw a library, you probably think that you are the person who supports others and helps them find answers to their problems.

a. Large Fireplace

The large fireplace gives a feeling of warmth and passion that you think you cause in people.

b. Fancy Ballroom

A fancy ballroom suggests that you feel that you can dazzle people around you and that you have a lot to give.

c. Long Corridor

If you ended up in a long corridor with closed doors, you feel that you are difficult to understand and others will have to try much to ‘penetrate’ more within you.

QUESTION 3– The Staircase

The stairway shows the image that you have of life.

a. Sharp and Massive Staircase

The sharp and massive staircase shows a person who sees life as suffering, with many difficulties.

b. Beautiful Spiral Staircase

The beautiful spiral staircase shows that you are a romantic person.

QUESTION 4– The Window

The window is the way you feel right now. The size of a window is relative to your culture, where you grew-up, and your environment. Thus what one person may call “small” may be “large” to another person. What matters most is your interpretation.

a. Small Window

A small window means that you feel depressed and trapped in your life. It may feel like there’s no way out of what you are experiencing in this period.

b. Normal Window

A normal-sized window shows a person with realistic demands and expectations of life at this stage. You realize that there are limitations, but the future is here and it looks clear for you.

c. Gigantic Window

If you chose, the gigantic window, you probably feel invincible, free and able to achieve what you want.

QUESTION 5 – The View From The Window

The view from the window is the overview of your whole life.

a. Stormy Sea

A stormy sea shows a hectic and erratic life.

b. Snowy Forest

A snowy forest is associated with a person who lives isolated and detached from the crowds.

c. Green Valley

The green valley shows that your life is calm and steady, without much stress and anxiety.

d. Vibrant City

People relate the vibrant city to someone who generally lives life with lots of socializing and is generally surrounded by lots of people.

QUESTION 6 – The Courtyard Of The Castle

The image of the courtyard is the image that you have in mind of your future.

a. Neat and Shiny Garden

If you chose a neat and shiny garden, then you feel that your future will be heavenly.

b. Picture of a Neglected Garden

Picture of a promising but neglected garden shows an optimistic person, who is worried if he can find the energy to take control of his life and make his future more beautiful.

c. Grassy Damaged Garden

Those who chose the grassy, damaged garden are pessimistic that do not have a nice picture of the future.

The symbols represent aspects of your life but are not like most typical symbols where there is a code or rule to obey.  An example of common, modern symbols include traffic lights, where red means stop and green means go.

The images here are part  of a complex language in which green can mean jealousy or fertility or even both, depending on your personal background. It is up to you to explore the script you chose in the walk through the castle and work through it sensitively.

Social Goggles

Posted on by helpingsoul

Society looks through the lens of social goggles; seeing the world as rules are laid out for them. Wandering through a life set by laws, being ‘good citizens’ they wonder why they are unhappy. If you look at the world realistically, consider that the rules are not natural human nature.

Little girls are preprogrammed starting at a young age to stay away from boys and they are bad. An example from my childhood was when I was four a boy similar in age and I was curious. We had never seen each others ‘parts’, slithered to the back corner of my bedroom closet behind the hanging clothes and slipped our pants down to discover the difference. It was purely innocent but soon my Mother discovered us hiding in the closet and yelled at the young boy to get out of the house. She embarrassed and shamed me in front of this blameless boy as he ran home.

Once he left, my Mom stood me in front of her in the living room as she sat on the couch and scolded and told me how wrong it was to pull down my panties in front of a boy. I would be thought of as a “slut” or “whore” and “We don’t want the neighborhood to think of you in that way.”

I remembered feeling horrified and so shameful for what I did. I was confused. I didn’t hurt anyone. How could it be so wrong just to look? I was just a curious little girl.

Perhaps my Mom was jealous, insecure or even selfish because she didn’t want the possibility for guys to like me and she would have to fend off men as I grew older. I know she didn’t want to take away my innocence that parent’s value yet envy so much. They live vicariously through the purity of their children hoping they will see hope ahead even if it is to children’s detriment.

Soon little girls and boys learn to think on their own and rebel from their parents. It is difficult as they explore and find out for themselves what the opposite sex is all about.

Rebellion though may not lead to learning and growing to come into your own. It takes many years to discover who you are. The more you interact and meet people, you learn about yourself and what you like in others but there is still conflict from our preprogramming.

Women are pressured to get married and feel inadequate if they aren’t. When they do get married, there is over a 50% chance you will get a divorce. Why is this? Do we marry and then give up as if we got our price and the competition is over so I don’t need to try anymore. Or do we marry too early, not knowing the person well enough or perhaps even ourselves? I don’t know the exact answer. All I know is that marriage is a value most women posses. Men don’t have the same pressure as females but it is there.

I foresee the solution is to seek outside the rules. Learn who you are first. Become aware of what you like, don’t like and be confident in all that you are. Find a purpose, live out your dreams, desires and fantasies and love will come naturally.

It’s better to live life in your personal set of values than remaining conflicted and angry resulting in a psychological state from unconscious opposition between simultaneous but incompatible desires, needs, drives, or impulses.

If parents just allowed their children to naturally explore the world on their own anger, envy, and rebellion is avoided. Children are innocent; it is a wonderful thing. Don’t take it away from them because you are ashamed of your acts of rebellion and resentment.

If children were loved, supported, and free to roam naturally, bitterness is prevented. Rules are needed for fundamental moral values and etiquette and punishing for demeaning or hurtful behavior and acting out. The best rule is to treat others as you would like to be treated; with mutual respect.

The golden rule is that a person attempting to live by this rule treats all people, not just members of his or her in-group with consideration. The golden rule, with roots in a wide range of world cultures, is well suited to be a standard to which different cultures could appeal in resolving conflicts even in our own head.