spirituality

Positive Truths vs. Positive Affirmations: How to Change Your Beliefs Authentically

Posted on by helpingsoul

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” – Thomas Jefferson
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” – Buddha

There’s a moment that often happens in life: you do everything within your control, you prepare, you strive, you visualize — and then you let go.

And strangely, that’s when something shifts.

When you loosen your tight grip on how things must unfold, space opens. Whether you call it surrender, faith, alignment, or psychological flexibility, something larger than control begins to move.

I believe there are no accidents. But I also believe our beliefs shape what we are capable of receiving.

The “Six Trees” Story and the Power of Belief

Years ago, while living in Baltimore, Oprah attended a party at her boss’s home — one of the wealthiest women she had known at the time. The house was large, but what stood out most were six large trees in the backyard. Oprah remembers thinking, “Rich people have trees. If I ever have money, I want six trees in my yard.”

Years later, standing in her own kitchen, she looked out the window while making coffee and saw six trees. She stepped outside to count them — and realized beyond those six were thousands more on her property.

She could imagine six trees. Life imagined far more.

Psychologically, this illustrates something powerful: we often limit our vision to what we believe is possible. Our nervous system, our conditioning, and our past experiences quietly define the boundaries of our imagination.

The work is not just to dream — but to expand what we believe we are worthy of.

You Don’t Get What You Wish For. You Get What You Believe.

Many people spend their lives hoping and wishing. But in therapy, we see this truth repeatedly:

You don’t get what you hope for.
You get what you deeply believe you deserve and can handle.

Beliefs shape behavior. Behavior shapes outcomes. Outcomes reinforce beliefs.

If you believe:

  • “I’m not good with money,” you avoid financial risk.

  • “Relationships never work for me,” you unconsciously withdraw.

  • “Success isn’t for people like me,” you self-sabotage opportunity.

Changing your life requires changing your beliefs — but not through denial.

Why Positive Affirmations Often Don’t Work

You’ve probably heard affirmations like:

  • “I can achieve anything.”

  • “I am wealthy.”

  • “I am confident.”

  • “I have abundance.”

They can temporarily boost mood. But if your internal experience contradicts the statement, your brain resists it.

If you have $300 in your bank account and repeat, “I have unlimited abundance,” your nervous system knows that isn’t true. The brain craves congruence. When affirmations feel false, they can actually increase anxiety and shame.

This is where positive truths come in.

What Are Positive Truths?

Positive truths are grounded, emotionally honest statements that acknowledge your current reality and your forward movement.

They integrate cognitive restructuring with self-compassion.

Instead of denying your struggle, you honor it — and pair it with agency.

Examples of Positive Truths

  • “I am frustrated with my income right now, and I am networking weekly and exploring new revenue streams.”

  • “I feel scared about launching my business, and I am building confidence by taking one consistent step at a time.”

  • “I feel lonely at times, and I am showing up, meeting new people, and learning to trust myself more.”

Notice the difference.

There is no pretending.
There is no bypassing.
There is honesty — and momentum.

From a psychological perspective, this works because:

  • It regulates the nervous system.

  • It reduces cognitive dissonance.

  • It builds self-trust.

  • It reinforces adaptive behavior.

Why Honesty Creates Real Transformation

Personal transformation requires:

  • Self-awareness

  • Emotional honesty

  • Respect for your current reality

  • Loving accountability

When you say something that is true, your body relaxes. There is alignment between your thoughts and your lived experience.

Positive truths are not about toxic positivity.
They are about grounded optimism.

They say:
“I see where I am. I respect it. And I am actively participating in change.”

That builds confidence far more than fantasy ever could.

A Practical Exercise: Creating Your Own Positive Truths

  1. Identify one area of stress (money, relationships, career, confidence).

  2. Write the honest emotional truth.

  3. Add one concrete action you are taking.

  4. Repeat the statement daily for two minutes, three times per day.

  5. Pair it with visualization — not of fantasy — but of the feeling you are cultivating.

You can also create a visual symbol — a collage, a painting, a written statement — that represents your vision.  The Expressive Arts is a wonderful technique to externalize your desires and create a visual reminder of what you are working towards each day.

When you see it, pause. Breathe. Repeat your truth.

Consistency rewires belief.

Surrender and Psychological Flexibility

Here’s the deeper paradox:

You do the work.
You tell the truth.
You take aligned action.

And then — you let go.

In therapy, we call this psychological flexibility: the ability to commit to values-based action while releasing attachment to rigid outcomes.

You are not passive.
You are participating fully.

And then you allow life to meet you.

Final Thought

You are capable of making your dreams real — not through denial, but through honesty.

Honor yourself with truth.
Respect your current reality.
Take loving action.
Then release what you cannot control.

Growth happens in that space

About

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #96155) providing online therapy in California and Florida. I work with individuals and couples navigating anxiety, depression, grief and loss, trauma, and life transitions. My goal is to offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore destructive beliefs, heal childhood wounds, and build a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

My integrative approach blends mindfulness, trauma-informed care, and compassionate insight to support meaningful and lasting change.

If you feel ready to begin, you’re welcome to contact me in the comments section. I respond within 48 hours.

The Secret of Love (Spoiler Alert)

Posted on by helpingsoul

journey by Deepak Chopra, MD

The Internet has taken up the slack from print media by offering tips on love and relationships, which pop up on home pages, in tweets and in news teasers many times a day. If the secret to lasting romance could be shared like a recipe for cinnamon buns, our problems would be over. But love isn’t a fact, formula, or definable in words.

Love is a process, perhaps the most mysterious one in human psychology. No one knows what creates love as a powerful bond that is so full of meaning. If romance was only a heady brew of hormones, genetic inheritance and sex drive, all we’d need is better data to explain it. But love is transporting. It carries us beyond our everyday selves and makes reality shine with an inner light. The reverse can also happen. We crash to earth when the wear and tear of relationships makes love fade.

The process of love is kept alive by evolving and not getting stuck. Infatuation is an early stage of the process. You bond with another person as if by alchemy, but in time the ego returns with the claims of “I, me, and mine.” At that point love must change. Two people must negotiate how much to share, how much to surrender and how much to stand their ground. It would be tragic if romance faded into everyday familiarity, but it doesn’t have to.

Beyond the stage of two egos negotiating for their own interests, there is deepening love. It doesn’t try to turn the present into the past. A married couple of twenty years isn’t still infatuated with one other. So what keeps the process alive? For me, the answer was revealed by reading a startling sentence from the Upanishads, which are like a textbook of spiritual understanding. The sentence says, “You do not love a spouse for the sake of the spouse but for the sake of the self.”

At first glance this seems like a horrible sentiment: We all love on a personal basis and we expect to be loved the same way, for ourselves. But if “self” means your everyday personality, there is much that isn’t very lovable about each of us and as a marriage or relationship unfolds, there’s a guarantee that our partners will see those unlovable things more clearly. Even a knight in shining armor might want to save more than one damsel, and even saint must use deodorant once in a while.

In the world’s wisdom tradition, “love” and “self” are both universal. They exist beyond the individual personality. The secret of love is to expand beyond the personal. When people say that they want unconditional love, they often imply that they want to be loved despite their shortcomings, issues and quirks. But that’s nearly impossible if love remains at the personal level. At a certain point, if you begin to see love itself as your goal, universal love is more powerful and secure than personal love.

The poet Rabindranath Tagore described the spiritual side of love in a single expression” “Love is the only reality and it is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.” The gift of human awareness is that we can locate the source of creation in ourselves. By going deeper into the self, asking “Who am I?” without settling for a superficial answer, the ego-personality fades. A sense of the true self begins to dawn, and it is this self that exists in contact with love as the only reality.

The journey becomes more fascinating if someone else travels with you. Life isn’t about abstractions; it’s about experience. If you have a beloved who stands for the feeling of love, bonding, and affection, your journey has a focus that can’t be supplied merely by thinking. The experiences that love bring include surrender, devotion, selflessness, giving, gratitude, appreciation, kindness and bliss. So if the phrase “universal love” seems daunting or improbable to you, break it down into these smaller experiences. Pursue them, and you will be traveling in the direction of your source, where the true self and true love merge.

That’s where my spoiler alert comes in. Announcing the secret of love cuts short the actual experience. It doesn’t always help to know what’s coming, because you might fall into exaggerated expectations and fall short. It’s better and more realistic to become aware that love is now your personal project. Show kindness and gratitude. Speak about what your beloved means to you. Every step on this journey works on behalf of the two of you but also on behalf of the self that unites you at the deepest level.