90/10 Principle

Posted on by helpingsoul

I recently received an email with Stephen Covey’s 90/10 Principle and thought it would be a good thing to share under the recent circumstances.  Hopefully we all can learn from this principle, apply it to our lives, fill our hearts with love and give first if we want to receive.

90/10 Principle

by Stephen Covey

It will change your life or at least, the way you react to situations.

What is the Principle?

10% of life is made up of what happens to you;

90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean?

We really have NO control over 10% of what happens to us.

We have NO control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different.

You determine the other 90%.

How?… By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light.

However, you can control your reaction.

Let us use an example…

You are having breakfast with your family.

Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.

You have no control over what just happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears.

After scolding her, you turn to your wife

And you criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.

A short verbal battle follows.

You storm upstairs and change your shirt.

Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been to busy crying to finish her breakfast and getting ready to go to school.

She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.

Because you are late, you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60.00 traffic fine away, you arrive at school.

Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.

After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you realize you forgot your briefcase.

Your day has started terrible.  As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.

You look forward to coming home.

When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your wife and daughter.

Why?

Because of how you reacted in the morning.

A.)   Did the coffee cause it?

B.)    Did your daughter cause it?

C.)    Did the policeman cause it?

D.)   Did you cause it?

The answer is “D”.

How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you.

Your daughter is about to cry.

You gently say:

“It’s okay, honey you just need to be more careful next time.”

Grabbing a towel you go upstairs and change your shirt.

You grab your briefcase, and you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus.

She turns and waves.  You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.

Notice the difference?

The two different scenarios.

Both started the same.

Both ended different.

Why?

Because of how you reacted.

You really have no control over 10% of what happens in your life.

The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Now you know the 90/10 Principle.

Apply it and you will be amazed at the results

You will lose nothing if you try it.

The 90/10 Principle is incredible.

Very few know and apply this Principle.

The result?

See for yourself?

Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and headaches.

We all must understand and apply the 90/10 Principle.

It can change your life!

…Enjoy it…

It only takes willpower to give ourselves permission to make the experience.

Absolutely everything we do, give, say, or even think, is like a boomerang.

It will come back to us…

If we want to receive, we need to learn to give first…

Maybe we will end with our hands empty, but our heart will be filled with love…

And those who love life have that feeling marked in their heart.

Sex is not a Relationship

Posted on by helpingsoul

Sex is not a relationship.  Sex is a physical, biochemically driven act.   There is no evidence that chemicals are released in a woman’s brain that initiates a bonding with a man she has sex with.  Both sexes can form bonds from sex – or not – depending upon circumstances.  But the choice to employ intellect and see the act as purely pleasure, purely physical is a quality humans possess; otherwise each sexual liaison would lead to a relationship.   Taking it from there, relationships form from time spent with someone where spending that time together results in a mutual desire to spend more time.  It’s over time that a bond grows, not in an instant (or 30 minutes of sex).   Sex can be great (even better) when there are no strings attached.  Most men understand this too.

Our emotions come into play when we are feeling “underpowered” such as when we are sick, stressed, etc.  At those times we can view sex as an emotional event, when we are not already attached emotionally to the person, because we need and want the emotional support.  At those times the touch of another human can be comforting and soothing and make us feel (mistakenly) that we are emotionally attached (or could be) to the person providing it.

Many marriages are engaged in for this reason and then end (badly) because the two people find out later that they were just looking for a “port in a storm” and mislead themselves about their feelings.

Getting back to the “friendship rules” concept, it is completely true that a relationship is dependent on the many things that happen before and after sex – not on what happens in bed.  If we like the person, enjoy their company, conversation, value system, etc. then we can become “close” to them.  Sex can add to this but cannot make up for its absence.  We must learn to be friends and then a relationship builds.  Women need to understand this so that they can expect less and, thus, be hurt less.

See the world and its realities and the road to happiness is paved with a surface of realism.  There is great value to sex and the value of a good relationship and know that they are separate things.