Week 2 · The SEEN Method Series

You’re waiting for a text. Someone seems distant, and suddenly you’re replaying the conversation, wondering what changed.

You become more available. More accommodating. More attentive.

You may start trying harder to create the security you’re hoping to feel.

Chasing love can be surprisingly quiet. It can look like anticipating someone’s needs, seeking reassurance, becoming indispensable, swallowing disappointment, keeping your own needs small, or continually trying to become more desirable.

A useful question is:

Am I choosing this because it feels right to me, or am I doing it because I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t?

David’s Story

David adored his father, but his father was often drunk and often gone. David learned to wait for his attention and watch carefully for the moments when connection might appear.

Over time, he became familiar with a particular kind of love—one that required effort, vigilance, attention, and hope.

That pattern followed him into romantic relationships.

David found himself drawn to women who were unavailable or inconsistent. When he dated women who were kind and attentive, their steadiness sometimes felt strangely uncomfortable. The emotional intensity he associated with attraction wasn’t there, so he sometimes created conflict to bring back a familiar feeling.

Understanding this pattern helped David see something important:

Familiarity can feel like safety, even when familiarity has never been safe.

Steady love can feel unfamiliar before it begins to feel secure.

Receiving Love Requires Something Different

Chasing gives you something to do.

You can try harder. Fix something. Anticipate. Reassure. Prove yourself.

Receiving asks you to stay present while someone else loves you.

It asks you to allow your needs, preferences, imperfections, disappointments, and boundaries to be seen.

You can be deeply connected to someone and still know what you want.

You can be loved and still say no.

You can receive someone’s care without turning it into something you have to earn.

A Small Practice

The next time you notice yourself working especially hard to secure someone’s love, pause.

Ask yourself:

What am I feeling right now?

What do I want?

What am I doing to create security in this relationship?

Then ask:

If I trusted that I am already worthy of love, how would I want to show up right now?

Your answer may be small. You might express a preference, allow the other person to initiate, say what you actually want, or simply stay present with uncertainty instead of immediately trying to resolve it.

Love becomes more spacious when you bring yourself into it.

Read the full Week 2 article on The Courageous Self: